Some time ago, my Priestess friend Willow (of Misfit fame) and I talked about co-dependency in spiritual practice and I got on my soap box about this subject. Here are some of my thoughts around this that I shared previously with a few adendums.
It is my tendency to notice and analyze how some of us seem to be stuck in repeating energetic patterns that manifest as poverty, illness, co-dependency and dysfunctional relationship/ family dynamics. Many of us have been in the victim role, many in the rescuer role, and some of us have been perceived as the dis-empowering or predatory influence in a situation. Many of us are repeating the same play with different actors. For a while, I thought I knew better than everyone else about how to best fix their situations, practicing what I call “spiritual arrogance.”
What was being brought to my attention at the time is the practice of showing concern… “it sounds like a great business on paper, but how do you expect to make a living?”… “aren’t you a little too old to be trying that?”…”oh honey, I know you love him/her, but he/she is never going to leave him/her”… “you should leave him/her, there’s never going to be a right time!”
In the metaphysical community you might be apt to hear, “What are you doing to attract that?” “What we resist persists…” We’ve all either been on the receiving end, or delivering end of statements such as these. The delivering is well meant… the receiving can feel like a punch to the gut. It can feel invalidating too someone who’s emotions may need honoring.
The need to be the rescuer in our situations is really no different. It delivers the message “I don’t trust you to handle your stuff” and in co-dependent situations, “you can’t survive without me.” This message while usually well meant is also dis-empowering to the person receiving it either verbally or energetically.
One of my agendas is helping others step out of the victim/ rescuer cycle, so of course part of that is looking at how I participate in that cycle. When on the receiving end of… “oh honey…” I had to look at how was I doing this to others. Who was I telling either verbally or energetically… “you can’t handle your life” ? I admit, probably more than I care to admit, because even if I wasn’t saying it out loud, I was thinking it. Even now, having called myself out on this behavior, there are moments where I still think I know better then the next person about how they should be handling their personal poo. At the end of the day, I am no one’s authority on how someone should handle their life, only the individual can make that call, and to think otherwise is really ego BS.
I started asking myself questions; How do I sit in assistance and be true to my agenda while leaving my ego out of the equation? I found part of my answer in acknowledging the collective consciousness. As healers, witches, shamans, and meta-physicians, we understand that the collective unconscious holds all feelings, and thought. What some of us forget is that this is where manifestation starts, the open empty space where thoughts and feelings converge with energy. So when our collective focus is poverty, illness, dysfunction as a circle, as a community, or as a culture all of this is being poured into the collective unconsciousness to be made manifest. “So mote it be!”
So in acknowledging “my world according to Heather” tendencies, I wrote the following quote. It is one that some of vyou may have/seen before. It is both a challenge and a request to/for myself to be in acknowledgment that as someone who moves energy and has a strong presence that I really need to be careful about my thoughts, my words, and my energy. It is a choice to know my good, and the good of others in accordance with what is best for them, not what I wish for them, or I perceive is best for them. This is an agreement to assist where I am asked, and to help others break the victim cycle when it is welcome. Feel free to join me in this and share if you wish.
“Trust me and others to deal with their situations. If I should fall, I will get back up, brush myself off, and learn from the experience. I trust my own instincts about my situations above that of others. If that should become foggy, I will ask for assistance. If we sit in a space of the highest good for all concerned instead of projecting and assuming the most negative outcome, only good can come. Energy follows thoughts… how are we helping each other manifest? What are you releasing into the collective unconscious? Let your love cancel out your fear. Namaste”
© October 2011